i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
