the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
