i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
