I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
