(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
