last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
