Do you still have your period?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.