when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son