Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich