Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night