Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.