Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
