Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
