my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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