while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
