You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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