the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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