She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we're so committed to being not committed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
