Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
