big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
