i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
