Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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