Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
