evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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