Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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