If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
