My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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