well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
