She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
