White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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