he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You've changed since you got that strap on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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