How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
