The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
