Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
