i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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