hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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