By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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