You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
