weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
