Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
