It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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