Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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