After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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