I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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