I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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