Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
