I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
