TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
