oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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