I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
