I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is my gift to your gina
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
