My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
