We won't sleep together?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
