You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
