You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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