He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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