Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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