I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
