went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
