my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
