I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
