i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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