Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The air was thick with penises
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
